I'm Still Here, If You Want Me Like I Want You
by with love - Elincia
Summary: When you meet someone for the first time & feel such a deep connection with that person, you can't bring yourself to forget all of those moments you shared together even after she left. Now you're in a war you don't believe in & you never expected to see her again. It's not a happy reunion, because she's the enemy you have to face in battle & you're both trying not to cry. Femslash


A/N: This is seriously unfinished. Started it almost two years ago & have never touched it since the day I began. I do remember how I want the story to go, though, so there's hope. I've never read a Dynasty Warriors fanfic and maybe I won't be able to portray these two characters as well as I could have, but it was fun writing.

WARNING: Also, I haven't played the videogames in forever so I won't be following any correct battle scenes, nor will any of this will be historically correct.

P.S. The dialogue is in '_' instead of "_" because this is not the present yet.

* * *

Prologue Part I: When Our World Comes Crashing Down

* * *

Diao Chan was a stunning individual. While she walked through the market, a flash of smooth, light skin revealed itself as her small clothes tugged at her slim body. The clothing wasn't actually small, per se, but made for a person who liked to be comfortable in their movement as much as possible. The short skirt was fine since it was longer in the back, making it look even fashionable, but the fancy shirt she wore did show quite a bit of her cleavage. Despite it being unintentionally seductive, she loved how the pink complemented the black of her dance outfit, along with other accessories she couldn't help but have on her arms.

She knew of the war raging, due to her adopted father being an interior minister of the Han, and felt pity that many out there were fighting for the same dreams, but died because they fought for the wrong man. Which side was father on? She often wondered. Which side am I on? She would sometimes ask herself, then feel guilty for not even knowing.

Until one day, in her usual trips to the market, she met a girl. Her own age, an inch shorter even! There was a huge difference between them though.

'You're in the army?' Diao Chan inquired, very curious yet awed at the same time.

She was graced with a small smile. 'Yes, I serve in the Shu army, alongside with my father.' The deep green and pure white of her uniform was proof of her allegiance. A halberd rested against the table's edge as the two sat in old, wooden chairs. They had entered the small restaurant for some meat buns, seeing as the mysterious warrior explained it was only to gather some energy before the next march.

Diao Chan leaned in closer, placing both elbows on the top of the chipped table as she laced her fingers together. 'Battle does not frighten you? You're as old as I am, 18, yet here you are…ready to fight.' Her eyes shined in concern. Ready to die, she had wanted to say.

The girl across from her just shook her head. 'Killing,' she said slowly, 'is not an easy thing to do without shame. However, the enemy will come at you, will overwhelm you, and it _is _easy to give in, to let them spear right through you.' She took a bite of her meat bun, hoping it was still warm and swallowed. 'Do you know what makes a person unstoppable? What makes my father and his sworn brothers invincible?'

She couldn't guess, so Diao Chan just said, 'No,' and continued to stare at the ethereal beauty before her. How can someone so beautiful have to put herself in harm's way?

The warrior spoke, chuckling, 'Well, I don't know either. That's why, the day when I finally learn the secret to their strength, is the day I can truly help my father bring peace.' A wide smile. 'I guess if you want something just as bad, you're going to work twice as hard to get it.'

Diao Chan could only murmur a shy agreement. 'Are you… When will you leave this province?'

The other looked surprised. 'I am awaiting orders to march to the next city. It will be a long one and I dimly expect to go first thing tomorrow morning, but…'

'But?' Diao Chan urged.

'It is more likely I will be stationed here for a week.'

Suddenly in happy spirits, Diao Chan excitedly asked, 'Do you have somewhere to stay yet? You can come over-'

Immediately, the young warrior held out her hands in protest. 'Oh no, I could never intrude, and your family-'

Diao Chan laughed. 'Xing Cai,' she said, finally having the chance to say the name, '_please_. Is it not considered impolite to decline a lady's offer?'

A mild blush spread across Xing Cai's cheeks. 'I… As a soldier, I should be with my comrades as they patrol the area.'

'So you're going to sleep in the woods?' was the upset reply.

Stumbling with her words now, Xing Cai tried to reassure the girl she had just recently met. 'I'm used to it. Now that we are in a province, we can also take turns in sleeping at an inn.'

Diao Chan wouldn't let it go and argued, 'You told me you only have a week here. Is it so selfish of me to want to be with my new friend, before I can't see you anymore?'

That seemed to have struck a cord within the warrior because she was momentarily speechless and her eyes widened. She hesitated. 'I'm sorry. It is duty before all else.' Her gaze lowered, long eyelashes shadowing them.

Now she felt bad. Diao Chan sighed. "No, I should apologize. It was wrong of me to demand this of you without taking into account your position.'

Xing Cai looked back up tentatively. 'I can still see you during the day, if you like.'

'Really?' At the nod given to her, Diao Chan smiled in relief. 'I would be delighted to have your company.'

* * *

She berated herself for not setting up a rendezvous point. 'I forgot to tell her to meet me in front of the teahouse!' She contemplated about searching the town, but was startled by an awkward cough behind her. She whipped around to see who it was and a smile instantly lit up her face.

'Xing Cai!' She enthusiastically skipped towards her and held both of the warrior's hands in her own. 'I'm so glad you're here,' she said sincerely.

The uncertain look in Xing Cai's eyes disappeared and she visibly relaxed. 'A kind man told me he saw you walking in this direction, so I followed and hoped I would find you.' She then added, 'The people here are very friendly. I like it.'

Diao Chan hummed. 'Yes, there is much of the elderly, much of the children. It's quite rare to see those of my age around here.'

'Because of the war?' Xing Cai asked without thinking. She mentally hit herself on the head when she noticed the sadness in Diao Chan's expression.

'Indeed. And because the families in this province all have their young ones thrown into battle, they all feel a little empty in their hearts, and so they are all one big family.' She motioned for them to start walking. 'It's funny how war can rip families apart yet bring other families together,' she said, although there was no humor in her voice.

Xing Cai gazed at her for awhile before also looking straight ahead of them. 'I'm sorry,' was all she could say.

Diao Chan's features softened. 'Don't be, Xing Cai. You're out there sacrificing yourself every second.'

The warrior felt as if she had a ton of weight stacked upon her shoulders. 'I'm sorry, because the war… It's not going to end anytime soon, Diao Chan.'

There was a brief silence before she took in a deep breath. '_I know_,' she said in a hushed tone. Then she turned her head to smile gently at the Shu soldier. 'But you'll still be alive and we will see each other again.'

Xing Cai never broke promises, and since she didn't know if she was allowed to keep this one, she said nothing. She only lifted a hand to place stray strands of Diao Chan's hair back behind an ear in an almost thoughtful gesture. 'What do you want to do today?' Her hand retreated when it felt self-conscious of the intimate action she had just taken.

'Let's go around town. I'll tell you an interesting story about each place.'

* * *

Diao Chan was thankful Xing Cai remembered to ask yesterday where they should meet again, otherwise she would have had to wander the place until they miraculously bumped into each other. Skirt swishing behind her, Diao Chan walked up to the merchant's stall to browse. She suspected the soldier had spotted something that had caught her eye yesterday, so had made the merchant's stand their meeting place for the day.

'What are you looking for?' a beautiful voice asked.

Not bothering to look up, Diao Chan answered, 'I don't actually know…' Then she blinked, straightening up to see Xing Cai with that familiar calm aura surrounding her. 'When did you arrive?' she inquired, slightly bewildered.

'Just now,' was the smooth reply. She scanned the booth quickly before setting her eyes on a long sword. 'Ah.' Going towards it, she carefully picked it up for a closer inspection.

Intrigued, Diao Chan asked her, 'Do you know how to wield a sword?'

'No,' came the regretful answer. 'I only use a halberd.'

'I see. It's better than what I can do at least.'

Hearing this, Xing Cai looked up. 'You can wield a weapon?' The idea of it must have really shocked her. She quickly, but still careful with its sharpness, placed the sword back to where it belonged.

'Just maces, some hand-to-hand combat,' she admitted. 'We used to be attacked by bandits all the time, but they were wiped out just a few months ago.' Turning around, it was the first time Diao Chan ever witnessed her friend look so distressed, even if it was just a flicker of anger.

'If any were still alive, Diao Chan, then I would have personally sought their deaths,' the warrior said firmly.

The declaration touched Diao Chan deeply. 'Xing Cai…' Then a thought occurred to her. 'But then you would have to put yourself into danger for me. I wouldn't allow you to be carried away by your feelings.'

Xing Cai wanted to disagree, except she realized in a second that it _would _have been stupid to just charge into a bandit camp by herself. 'A good warrior is never swept away by their feelings,' she assented, albeit grudgingly. She was caught off guard when a finger tapped her nose playfully.

'Still. It's nice to know I'll have you to count on if trouble were ever to find me.'

At that admission, warmth flooded inside her chest and Xing Cai felt a strange sense of protectiveness for the girl beside her. She wanted to become stronger.

* * *

Diao Chan was pleasantly surprised to see her friend arrive at the library before she did.

'I was speaking with a scholar earlier,' Xing Cai said eagerly, once the other girl was within proximity. 'He had much to tell.'

Giggling, Diao Chan wondered if Xing Cai was a different person before the war. 'How long were you listening to him?'

'Not too long, but the conversation was enlightening. Did you know you can tame a panda into a war comrade?' The amazed expression on her face was enough to make Diao Chan laugh.

'Oh, Xing Cai. Did he tell you about Red Hare as well?'

The warrior frowned. 'A mere bunny as a war comrade?'

'No, no, the horse is _called _Red Hare. It's said to be the fastest and strongest horse to ever live.'

Xing Cai wore a blank look. 'The scholar never told me about this.'

Diao Chan just shook her head, amused. 'Just keep a look out for a wild, red horse and you'll find it. If it exists, anyhow.'

The soldier seemed put off, but was hit by a realization. 'We made plans to eat, didn't we? Shall we go?'

She nodded, happy for the change of topic. 'I know a place that serves great soup. I'll lead the way.'

The two walked while conversing about what the warrior had been busy with during the morning, if she had gotten enough rest, how the other soldiers were faring, and so on. Sometimes Diao Chan would panic to herself, counting how many days she had left with her newfound friend, but later would tell herself not to worry because she honestly could do nothing about it. Occasionally, Xing Cai would catch her frowning and it worried the warrior to see it on someone who had such benevolence inside of them.

'Diao Chan,' she called out. Having the girl's attention, she suddenly felt nervous at the question she was about to raise. 'Your attire… I've been wondering about it since first I saw you.'

Indeed, the young maiden wore black leggings up to her thighs with only a sash to tie a flowing pink skirt around her slender waist. The tone of her stomach was uncovered, along with much of her back side. She had a black top over her breasts with an intricate design which was outlined in golden embroidery. Her arm-length gloves were dark and elegant, but all of the black she wore was actually a deep purple when she walked into the sun. Parts of her lovely hair was tied and held up by an expensive headdress.

'I sing,' Diao Chan explained. 'I used to travel here and there, gathering crowds and earning money… My adoptive father ordered me to stay at this province for the time being and I've accumulated enough wealth to buy new clothing, including a small place to stay.'

Xing Cai looked as if she had a thousand questions. 'He left you all alone?'

'He had plans to change the war, he said… It's quite simple for me. I can patiently await his return.'

The warrior was bothered by this. 'You told me before that there were bandits and they had only been vanquished several months ago. How _long _have you been here, singing?'

'Add a few months to now and maybe you'll get a year.' Diao Chan shrugged good-naturedly before a mischievous grin claimed her lips. 'Would you like to hear me sing?'

They were already at the entrance of the restaurant so Xing Cai paused on the steps in alarm. 'Right now?'

'No, silly, later tonight.'

The warrior stared at her in a daze. 'You know I can't stay that long.' In spite of this, the faraway look in her eyes signaled that she was mulling over the idea for a moment.

There was a twinkle in Diao Chan's pretty green eyes. 'Let's discuss it after some soup, hm?'

The pair then entered the shabby store, but like every other place in the province, it had a cozy atmosphere. Taking a seat in one of the available corners, the one more acquainted with what was on the menu waved a server over and ordered for the both of them. She turned back with a smile, pleased to see those amber eyes still on her.

'Tell me more about yourself, Diao Chan.' Xing Cai had learned more about the maiden today more than she had the rest of the days they spent together combined. Plenty of times, she found it was Diao Chan listening intently to all of the adventures Xing Cai went on with her father, story after story.

'Me?' she echoed, as if finding herself quite boring and was entertained by the thought of being anything else. 'You already know I despise violence. I loathe it even more when I have to partake in it.'

Xing Cai nodded earnestly. 'Yes, this I do know. You have your own strong sense of duty and I respect that greatly. You are a kind, composed woman with a passion that makes you all the more attractive.' The warrior made an effort to stop herself from rattling on. 'I can tell that you are very clever, as well as a loyal daughter. But what else, Diao Chan?'

A sudden bashfulness washed over her like a waterfall. It was a first for Diao Chan to feel so unbalanced, her cheeks hot and pink from blushing. 'Do you think so highly of me, truly?'

'Yes. You have not proved any of it wrong.'

The singer felt immense gratitude swell up inside her. 'Thank you,' she said as genuinely as she could. She then cleared her throat, a little embarrassed. 'There isn't much to tell, about me that is.' She swept a hand absentmindedly in the air. 'I'm quick on my feet. You wouldn't expect it, but I can move fast without making a sound.'

'Ah, so you're adept in speed.' Xing Cai was still hungry for more information.

Diao Chan laughed. 'If you would like to put it in those terms, then yes.' She tapped her fingers on the surface of the worn table. 'I'm more of a dancer than a singer, so I hope I may perform for you later on tonight.' Her lips curled into a crafty smile.

Xing Cai held in a strange urge to shiver. She instead played with her uniform to distract herself. 'We shall see,' she replied slowly. 'Any hidden talents I should know about?' she asked with a small smile of her own.

'Well, I've told you about the maces?' Diao Chan hummed in thought when the other nodded in confirmation. 'Ah, I've always thought about trying to use a different weapon. I'd like to be multi-skilled.'

'A rapier, maybe?'

Diao Chan made an uncertain noise. 'I haven't decided.' Then with a hint of humor in her emerald eyes, suggested, 'I could always try running around holding one of those _huge _lances and-'

'Trip?' Xing Cai deadpanned, but also laughed when she imagined it.

Diao Chan joined in, giggling. 'I never said it could work.'

Their soups, complete with noodles, arrived so conversation came at a pause. With a small thank you to the server, they both took out their chopsticks and merrily ate. In the middle of finishing, Diao Chan sneakily tried to take some of Xing Cai's, but the soldier easily used her own chopsticks to playfully smack the other girl's away from her bowl.

None of them noticed that late evening was past until they paid and left. Diao Chan stretched once they were outside and sighed lazily. 'The sun is setting.' She pointed at the sky, a romantic painting of orange and pink now.

'I have some time left,' Xing Cai said after a second of calculating. 'Or should we say goodnight now?'

In response, the gorgeous maiden tugged the soldier closer by the arm, shaking her head. 'Don't go. Not yet.'

They started walking at a leisure pace. Xing Cai was accustomed to the province by now, so she recognized every street they took, every building they passed and even the people who greeted them as they crossed paths. It was quiet between them, but oddly comfortable.

'This is our fourth day together,' Xing Cai broke the silence with her solemn voice.

It triggered something in Diao Chan. 'Will you not let me perform for you?' she asked, almost pleading.

Xing Cai closed her eyes when a soft breeze caressed her face, her black hair moving with the wind. She turned her head to gaze at the figure beside her. 'We have three days. It'll happen.'

Diao Chan didn't want to look away from those amber orbs that glowed like fire. 'Tomorrow then,' the maiden decided, 'I will dance for you.'

* * *

Xing Cai was worried. Incredibly worried and hoping to whatever god that Diao Chan wouldn't be angry at her the next day. She was still at camp and it was afternoon. They were supposed to meet at the marketplace about an hour ago and here she was, getting ready to settle onto her horse to prevent an enemy supply force from reaching its destination.

She stiffened when a hand touched her shoulder.

'Hey, hey, you were never this frustrated about orders.' Guan Ping emerged into view from behind her, his face full of concern. 'You know I would've led this mission if the messenger hadn't told me we would need your speed.'

Speed. It reminded her of a certain someone.

Xing Cai just nodded. 'The two lieutenants at my command are preparing their units to march. I'll be in charge of a small cavalry.'

'And I'll guard main camp,' Guan Ping promised. 'Along with the province you've grown attached to, yeah?' He grinned broadly.

Feeling a mix of emotions, she could only bow her head, grateful. 'I'll return successfully with the enemy's cargo.'

As soon as she saddled up her horse and swung herself over, she felt a pang in her heart that caused her to glance back. Did she really have no time at all, to send a messenger to Diao Chan? Then she realized that the men were staring at her quizzically, waiting for her to say 'Onwards!' or anything at all to start the ambush. She gritted her teeth, a fierce expression on her face.

'Duty before all else, men!' and led her task force out of camp.

Stealing an enemy's supplies was one of the easiest missions ever, but this one felt especially long for Xing Cai. They had caught the supply unit in surprise, just as planned, and the pincer attack was very effective. A few of her men were injured from arrows, but other than the usual scratches and bruises, there was little blood spilt. She had watched the men begin to pull the cargo and throw the corpses off the road, hiding them in bushes. The soldier was glad Diao Chan, a pure maiden who hated bloodshed, wasn't there to see any of this.

She had forced herself to stay alert on the trek back and shouted an order for the men to stay on their guard. The men listened. They were quite relieved the return was uneventful and even hastened their steps as they neared camp. However, it was Xing Cai who was the most shocked when she entered the main tent to see a crowd of troops cheering.

Up on stage was Diao Chan dancing, _singing_.

Her breath caught in her throat as she stared, mesmerized by the fluid movements and seductive steps. Why was she here? It was late, so very, very late and she was tired. Lonely.

Again, why was she _here_?

Diao Chan finally noticed her at the entrance of the tent, among other troops who had just returned. The maiden's whole body stopped, her emerald orbs lit up in excitement, and the smile that blossomed forth was so gorgeous, it made everything else around her look less appealing. She immediately made her way through the ranks of men, which was easy considering they separated quickly to let her through.

'How is my goddess of war?' Diao Chan's soft voice was music to her ears.

'You're here,' was all Xing Cai could say, being disorientated and what not.

The smile widened. 'Did you enjoy my performance?'

The soldier felt herself nod. 'You didn't have to do that.' She glanced around to see the men still captivated by Diao Chan's presence. She frowned. 'Let's go.' She would have never known the dancer was giddy just by holding her hand and leading her out the tent.

'I heard you were off fighting,' she said nonchalantly, as soon as they were out of earshot.

'I'm sorry I couldn't tell you. I was in a hurry.'

They were walking side by side now. Diao Chan shook her head. 'I was upset, so I demanded to see you… Your friend, Guan Ping I think, was nice enough to let me stay.'

Xing Cai made a noise at the back of her throat. 'I actually have to tell him how the ambush went. Would you like to accompany me?'

'I've been waiting all day to see you. Of course I would, Xing Cai.' Diao Chan squeezed the hand she held.

They didn't need to look very far because Guan Ping found them first. 'Cai! I see you found our pretty lady, Diao Chan.'

Lifting her head to his direction, Xing Cai smiled warmly at her childhood friend. 'Ping, thank you for taking care of her while I was gone.'

He smiled in understanding, his hair as ruffled as ever by the nighttime air. 'The men are back, some sent to the infirmary for a check-up, but I see you've successfully brought the supplies.'

'I never fail a mission, do I?' Xing Cai teased, in a good mood now that she was with the two people she cared about most.

He laughed. 'The almighty Xing Cai, daughter of the great Zhang Fei, _fail_? Of course not.'

She continued the banter with an amused smile. 'Looks like the son of Guan Yu knows better than to provoke a woman's wrath.'

The two shared chuckles before Guan Ping patted her on the shoulder, silently communicating that he was needed elsewhere. 'You did a good job today and you kept the men's morale up. We're going to need it all in two days, so sleep well!' He bid them goodnight with a charming grin and went inside the tent they had just exited.

Diao Chan felt envious towards the strong man for being so casual with Xing Cai, but he did hold the aura of a charismatic person, someone with a good heart. Even so, he didn't need to remind them about reality; the hourglass said time was running out. So before the information could soak in and before a troubled look could enter Xing Cai's eyes, she wiped it all away by placing a tender kiss on her cheek, lingering.

'Take me to your tent,' she whispered, leaving no room for protests.

* * *

A/N: I actually have more typed down in my laptop, but i figured this would be a good place to stop for you guys. Thank you for reading!


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